You Know I Will Find You You Know I Still Lpve You Even Thpigh We Wenr Our Aeperate Ways

Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.

Nothing good tin come of this. Photograph by Achim Voss/Flickr.

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Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and neat families take blossomed — all considering of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other hand, that time y'all told that girl you just started seeing that yous would "catch a grenade" for her? Y'all did that considering of a love vocal. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."

"It'southward just, my mom. Yous know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And aye, my mom." Photo via iStock.

That fourth dimension y'all held that smash box over your caput outside your ex's house? Yous did that because of a love song. And l hours of community service later, yous're nevertheless non back together.

Honey songs are great. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire u.s.a. to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life human relationships should work.

They're amazing. And so amazing. And besides terrible.

Here are six beloved songs that audio romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic simply totally is:

ane. "God Simply Knows," past The Beach Boys

You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."

When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it'due south at. A lush garden of soft horns and informal melody. A necktie-dye swirl of audio. A mural of haunted innocence with some of the virtually heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.

Youth! Youth! Youth! Photograph by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.

Hither'southward why it sounds romantic:

I may not e'er love yous

But long as there are stars above you lot

You never need to doubt information technology

I'll brand you lot so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without y'all

If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really cease and starting time over.

If yous're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball internet and "God Simply Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your heed, you demand to rethink the choices that got yous to this indicate.

If you lot're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and yous're non underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing it wrong.

Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.

Information technology'south a song that just feels like love. Pure love. Young love. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.

What could be wrong with that?

Here's why it'south actually really, really unromantic:

There's cipher wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-acme notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall comatose while y'all whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo past hatchettebookgroup.biz.

Just there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.

If you should e'er leave me

Though life would withal go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what expert would living do me?

Look, I get information technology. Breakups suck. In that location's no getting around that. But skilful God.

There'southward a huge difference betwixt proverb: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, you accustomed that job in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and telephone call it a life."

Merely that's pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...

God only knows what I'd exist without you

...horror-movie creepy. Because the answer, evidently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"

Ah well. We had a skilful run. Photo via iStock.

That's not love. That'due south codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It'due south a form of emotional corruption.

Investing all your happiness and sense of cocky-worth in any human relationship — i that, by definition, might one twenty-four hour period end — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Sure, God may only know what y'all'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.

"Yeah! Hell yes! What was her proper noun again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Assistants.

One person cannot be anyone's be-all and terminate-all. Information technology's too stressful. And it prevents you from doing y'all, which is a thing that'southward gotta be done before you tin can practice anything else.

No wonder she took that job in Seattle.

two. "Treasure," past Bruno Mars

Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song yous've e'er heard. But, we don't take Michael Jackson anymore, and equally tribute acts go, yous could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Await at that face up. That face up! Photograph past Brothers Le/Flickr.

Hither'due south why the song sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what y'all are

Honey, you're my golden star

You know you can brand my wish come true

If you allow me treasure yous

If you let me treasure you

Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-course make-out party and you'll probable get an instant toll pass on the highway to natural language-boondocks (ew).

Laissez passer them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of celibate-yet-passionate frenching.

Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will call up y'all're weird — simply probably withal brand out with you.

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America considering of this song.

This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.

And I'grand OK with that.

But, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:

Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes about gender.

"Children, have I ever told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the commencement fourth dimension we met?" Photo past Jacobsen/Getty Images.

Things starting time to go south right from the very beginning:

Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby

I gotta tell yous a little something about yourself

Ah yeah. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a foreign adult female on the street about something she "doesn't know most herself."

What could information technology be? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could it exist that she'due south got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book virtually early modern German language history is extremely detailed and informative?

"Cheers for pedagogy me all about Martin Luther'south bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alert: Information technology's none of those.

Yous're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you lot're a sexy lady

But y'all walk around here similar you wanna be someone else

Oh. It's that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.

Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her day-to-day so much that you, a complete stranger, need to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).

So what if she does desire to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I think existence Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A skilful way to spend a 3-solar day weekend.

Certain, there'd exist an aligning period... Photograph by Eamonn Yard. McCormack/Getty Images.

And then later, of course, the narrator can't assistance himself:

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should exist grinning

A daughter like you should never expect so bluish.

He respects her and then much, he's actually straight-upward telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to go off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I gauge everybody's got a affair.

Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a salubrious human relationship is an unending stream of a human complimenting a strange woman and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."

He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the earth's creepiest pirate:

You are my treasure, you are my treasure

You are my treasure, aye, y'all, you, you, you are

Y'all are my treasure, yous are my treasure

You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, yous, yous are

Past this signal, in his listen, she'due south a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.

I suppose it could be worse, though. At least she's non just any matter.

GIF from "The Two Towers."

That'southward ... something, right?

iii. "Don't Recollect Twice, It's All Correct," by Bob Dylan

For equally long as humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwards with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, audio-visual flames.

Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photograph by William Lovelace/Getty Images.

Hither's why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

Even you lot don't know by now

And it ain't no apply to sit and wonder why, babe

It'll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn

Wait out your window, and I'll exist gone

You're the reason I'one thousand a-traveling on

Simply don't think twice, it'southward all right.

Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.

"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful vocal. It's the vocal your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her boyfriend left for higher. The vocal that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to get out her bank-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chime store in Mendocino. The vocal your friend's absurd dad always wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.

"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.

Certain, it's nearly the stop of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the end of the 24-hour interval, shouldn't that be enough?

Here's why it'southward actually sooooo messed up:

Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while in that location is no right way to phone call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest word virtually what went incorrect.

It'south not me, Joan. It'due south you lot. 100% you. Photograph past Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.

In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "It's your mistake."

Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, correct? Y'all're all similar, "Baby, I just have so much unspecified love to requite," and she's similar, "Take out the trash!" And y'all're like, "Simply baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be plenty?" And she'south like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I demand you to do is have out the trash." And y'all're like, "You're bumming me out. I'yard gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to change you lot? UGH!

You could accept done better, just I don't heed

Yes. You do mind! Yous heed! You lot wrote a song most it, you passive-aggressive prick.

Yous merely kinda wasted my precious fourth dimension

Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Think about all the hours you wasted plumbing the sea-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when y'all could accept been futzing effectually with that domicile-mash kit.

Yep, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.

The minute y'all start breaking it down, the message of "Don't Call back Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister's ex-swain, who worked at the Bass Pro Store in town for a while and at present might be in jail. Similar your aunt's wind chinkle store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.

"You kids desire a beer? No one'south nether xiii, right?" Photo via iStock.

Oh yeah, and the song's narrator besides bespeak-bare refers woman he's leaving as:

A child, I'm told

That'due south right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive wiggle — turns out, he's also possibly a pedophile.

Fifty-fifty if we are to have that this is a metaphor and she's not actually a child — which there's no indication it is, simply OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly cull an young partner reflects mode more poorly on him than it does on her.

Breaking up with anyone in such a savage, dismissive manner is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may exist the indicate.

4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver

Who has 2 thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

This guy. Photo by Hughes Goggle box Network/Wikimedia Eatables.

Hither's why information technology sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely vocal. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the time it was written.

'Crusade I'thousand leavin' on a jet plane

To a modern ear, this would be sort of similar singing, "I'grand a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that's somehow nevertheless folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer military camp. Non easy to practice!

Oh baby, I hate to become

Yous encounter — he hates to get! He simply hates information technology! We know this, considering he tells us he hates information technology. And why would he hate to go if he didn't love his partner but that much?

See ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.

Why indeed?

Here's why it's actually non that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can but distract and then much from the fact that the song'south master character is well, kind of a jerkweed.

And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:

At that place's and then many times I've let you down

So many times I've played effectually

I tell you at present, they don't mean a thing

"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched lonely while y'all were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to practise! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. Simply rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."

"Equally empty every bit this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.

Yes, when you break information technology down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more than the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all prove to the contrary.

And for all he claims to be broken up about having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited nigh the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet airplane, are y'all? Are you Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad you were forced to choke down as you saturday waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?

"Life then hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.

He continues:

Ev'ry identify I go, I'll think of y'all

Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you

Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my love is fragile as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.

Then he demands:

So osculation me and smile for me

Tell me that y'all'll wait for me

Subsequently all the betrayal and heartbreak, subsequently basically revealing himself to be a class-A sleaze who tin can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?

And here's the kicker:

When I come dorsum, I'll bring your wedding ring

Ah aye. He'll put a ring on information technology. Finally.

"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.

Different all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and just been a full general screwup and disappointment.

But yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.

I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.

5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge

When you await upwards "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays yous a recording of this song.

Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo by Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, it plays you the very start line.

Hither's why it sound very romantic:

When a man loves a woman

Sure, you can write the lyrics down, only it doesn't even come up shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

Closer ... but even so no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yes! Sing information technology, Percy Sledge!

It'due south an elemental lyric.

Information technology'southward a heart-shattering lyric.

It's a lyric that demands y'all put your back into it.

It's perfection.

As long as you don't go on listening.

Here's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.

Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said adult female?

He'd give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the pelting

If she said that'southward the mode

It ought to exist.

Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man volition dice of exposure and hypothermia.

Turn his back on his best friend if he put her downwards.

No! Jeez. No. A homo can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! In one case a human being's whole support system erodes out from under him, a man volition be biting, ungrounded, and alone. And a human being's mental wellness volition deteriorate.

I gave you everything I have

Tryin' to hold on to your heartless dearest

Baby, please don't treat me bad.

This is not what happens "when a man loves a adult female." It's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, just loves a woman. Herself.

"It's Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.

And that'south not healthy.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! Nosotros're hither for you.

(Side notation: Lest information technology go unsaid, at that place is manner more i fashion for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in divide bedrooms. Peradventure they dress up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a human loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a adult female loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of commitment, living state of affairs, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no 1-size-fits-all dear solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There's more than than 1 manner to skin a cat. A spoonful of carbohydrate helps the medicine go down.

It doesn't matter if it'southward the correct metaphor, as long as it's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek assist! You tin practice this! And if you always detect yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a call.

6. "All I Wanna Do is Make Honey to You," Heart

Honestly, Centre could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would brand me want to bawl my eyes out in the artillery of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.

This song is perfect. You should always be listening to information technology. If you're not listening to information technology at present, smack yourself in the face up and Google information technology. It'due south merely that important.

I am singing the phone book. You lot are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo past FatCat125/Wikimedia Eatables.

And then much passion. So much pain. So much hair.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring tune, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a cardinal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared past every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for i night of mind-blowing sex activity and then releasing him back into the wild to os — but never quite as compellingly e'er once more.

They sing:

It was a rainy night when he came into sight

Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat

So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride

He accustomed with a smile and then nosotros drove for a while

I don't take to go along because you know what happens next, and it'due south awesome.

"I just sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.

Now, hither'south why this song is not romantic at all:

The relationship in "All I Wanna Exercise" seems too good to exist true. And it is. Because it'southward non an equally loving ,or fifty-fifty equally brawny, pairing at all.

It's a...

Information technology's a...

Well. Y'all know what information technology is:

Practiced at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.

For a while, things are humming along just fine, similar any wholesome, illicit, anonymous thing should:

I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain

Fate, tell me it'south correct, is this love at kickoff sight?

Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick up a foreign leather-jacket-clad man continuing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling near this guy, and sometimes, y'all gotta go with your gut.

I tin respect that.

We made magic that nighttime

He did everything right

Great! Seems similar it was a good conclusion. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.

Merely then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-fourth dimension great romance and more like a story men'southward rights activists tell each other as they vape effectually a campfire:

I told him "I am the blossom, you are the seed

Nosotros walked in the garden, nosotros planted a tree

Don't try to find me, please don't you cartel

Just live in my memory, yous'll ever be at that place"

I'thousand non a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly unlike things in the context of human being reproduction than they have since sex activity was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking most a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

HELLO! Photograph by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Eatables.

Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You lot might be tempted to recall, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant information technology:

So it happened ane day

We came circular the same way

You can imagine his surprise

When he saw his own eyes

There are two possibilities here.

One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from 9 years ago:

Photo by eyedonation.org.

Or ii: She totally conned a dude into whipping upwardly a baby on the sly.

I said, "Please, please understand

Ah, certain. Yeah. No worries.

I'm in love with another homo

Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked non one but ii lives.

And what he couldn't give me, oh, no

Was the one trivial affair that you can"

A Man LIFE! A Real SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!

The all-time you can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own nascence control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .

Just ... it's non cute. It's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves concord).

And at the end of the day, the shadiest graphic symbol in this song is somehow non the pelting-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.

Which... is saying something.

But in that location is a beloved vocal that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.

A song that does everything right.

A vocal that paints a portrait of a good for you partnership built to final.

A vocal that tin double as a manual for the ideal human romantic relationship.

And that vocal is...

"Candy Shop," past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia

Here's why you might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:

fifty Cent (L) and that guy. You lot know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

As catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun information technology is to dance to, and as cathartic equally it can exist to scream in the centre of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.m., there's no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:

I'll take you to the candy shop

I'll let you lick the lollipop

I'll mail that again, in example you missed some of the dash:

I'll take you to the candy shop

I'll let you lick the lollipop

Way to take 1 for the squad, narrator of "Candy Shop"!

At first glance, "Candy Store" is nobody's idea of a classic dear song.

The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The beat is kinda basic. The claw is similar the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."

OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."

Information technology doesn't get played much anymore. When information technology does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.

It's non a song yous'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's not a song yous'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and you've got 9 hours to tear upwardly the Piscataway Hampton Inn. Information technology'due south certainly not a vocal y'all'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' argent ceremony.

It's just not.

Simply information technology should exist.

So here it is. Here's why "Candy Shop" past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is really the perfect relationship song:

Y'all wanna back that thing up or should I push up on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission skid. Information technology's but been 20 seconds, and y'all're already getting ready to hang it up with "Processed Shop."

Just and so ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female voice joining the track, cut through the din like a clarion call.

She sings:

I'll accept yous to the candy shop (yes)

Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)

I'll accept you lot spendin' all you got (come on)

Go along going 'til yous striking the spot, whoa

It's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!

Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!

Go, cunnilingus doves, get! Photo by liz west/Flickr.

50 Cent himself may not be the world's greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.

But the narrator of "Candy Store"? He gets it:

You could have it your way, how practice you desire it?

Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Just Knows ("I'm going to invest my unabridged sense of self-worth in you lot!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'1000 going to treat y'all like a breast full of aureate doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Brand Dearest to You lot," ("I'm going to trick yous into knocking me upwardly!") — the "Processed Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the world of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do information technology? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?

It'southward whatever you're into

'Cause consent is sexy!

I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Processed Shop" is certainly ... assertive nigh his desires.

Only here'south the central thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's conspicuously into it. And nosotros know this because she says and so.

The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are bright cherry-red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky social club floor.

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.

Girl what we do ...

And where we practise ...

The things we do ...

Are just between me and you

No matter how nasty they freak, it volition be intimate. It will be private. At that place will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).

If you exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of whatever relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very perchance in the example of "Processed Shop") minutes long.

She may have a high sex drive, but dude is graciously offering to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might go the distance after all.

And at the end of the day, what is a relationship but two nymphos, sharing wellness insurance?

Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.

It's like information technology's a race who could go undressed quicker

Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally groovy time.

I touch the right spot at the right time

Of form, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if nosotros're to take him at his word, "Processed Store" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise infant nonsense.

The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's non a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a good partner.

"Processed Shop" is raunchy. It's muddied. Information technology'due south not your grandmother's love song.

Only when you lot strip abroad the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the 24-hour interval, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all nigh?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.

So seductive.

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Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is

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